Adventurously Expectant The Wandering & Musings of Sarah-Michelle Hollands

My favorite time of day is the evening.

Right before sunset, when the sun paints everything in golden undertones and you hold onto the last moments of warm rays and colourful skies.

I think its my favorite because for some reason, I find complete peace in those fading moments. I breath in the crisp fresh air, reflect on the day I just had and look forward to what the future has to bring.
Its as if time is in a balance and I and all that is around me is at its center. 

I spent this evening alone on the deck, sitting on a Muskoka chair, drinking Apothic red wine and reading NT Wrights’ “Surprised by Hope”. It was marvelous.

I considered taking a picture to share the moment or even remember it for future reference, but then I realized that this was something that had to be experienced first hand. It had to be felt, breathed, and taken all in. It would have been lovely to shared it with someone, but I remained content with knowing that some moments are so rich on their own that you can’t even think for more then a moment that anything else could make it better. So I sat, drank, read, and enjoyed the changing breeze and fading light. 

A song came to mind and I started singing. God I Look to You by Jenn Johnson felt so appropriate for the moment.

The lyrics are: 

God I look to you, I won’t be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like you do
God I look to you, You’re where my help comes from
Give me wisdom; You know just what to do. 

I will love you Lord my strength
I will love you Lord my shield
I will love you Lord my rock
Forever all my days I will love you God

Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reings
Forever all my days Hallelujah

Those words were an anchor point for me. Like the moment, the words were balancing my life: where I’ve come from, where I am, and where I am going. It is the hopeful reminder that my life is in Christ and I have the assurance that as He has been faithful to guide me thus far, He will continue to do so all my days as I continue to walk faithfully with Him. 

I have a lot of dreams, a lot of hopes and desires, and I don’t know when, or even if they will all be fulfilled, but I do know that despite uncertainty, I can stand firm in the promise that God has something great for me. As I seek Him with all my heart, even in moments of doubts or laziness, God remains steadfast and faithful to me. 

I am moving forward. I am chasing after my dreams. I am the woman I always hoped I would someday be and each day I continue to become more and more the person I long to be. 

This is the springboard from which I want to move from. I want to remember this truth and open my heart and mind to more revelation as I continue to learn and grow as a person, as a woman, and as a leader.

Im excited to see where God takes me because I know that there is no better life to live then one that is lived at the center of God’s will. I know that God wants shalom for my life and for all creation. So each and every day, if I live for God and live to bring shalom to those around me then I am doing God’s will. “Until the day God deigns to reveal the future to man, the sum of human wisdom can be contained in these two words: wait and hope.”  And I want to add to Alexander Dumas’ words. Until the day God deigns to reveal the future to me, live for peace and justice. If thats the minimum I do, I will live a rich life and change the world. 

This is where I’m at right now. Good night y’all. 

I am so blessed and thankful to be a part of this incredible community.  The fact that I have the privilege to share myself with amazing people and pour into the lives of students and friends every single day is a gift. I have experienced tons of struggles and endured hard lessons and difficult days but seriously, what God has taught me and the work that He has allowed me to be a part of is worth it all. I wouldn’t trade this year for anything!

Thank you to all who encourage me and support me through it all and thank you to all who allow me to be myself. Thank you for loving me for who I am- weird, often times awkward and quirky, silly, off-side, ridiculous and french and excited and passionate and everything and more. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to get to know the real me. Thank you to everyone who has pursued friendship with me. Thank you to everyone who has listened to me in my struggles, weakness, and fear. Thank you to all who have walked alongside me in this exciting and scary journey of life. Thank you to everyone who has seen my potential and believed in me. Your words of encouragement and your affirmation mean more to me then I can ever really express. 

Right now I feel like God has just given me a glimpse of what he intends to use me for and I seriously am so excited. I feel like I have so much to give and so much to share with the world. I want to continue to become the best version of me I can be. I want to continue to learn and grow and develop into the best teacher, leader, student, friend, woman, mentor, ambassador, peer, and world-changer I can possibly be. 

As I finish up my degree, I am excitedly expectant of what is to come. I am eager to see where God takes me, what I end up doing along the way, the places I will go, the people I will meet, the jobs I will have. As I wait on the Lord and hope in Him I find myself having more joy then I could have imagined. It is not always easy, seriously.. there are days that I am very fearful and feel completely lost but God is so faithful in giving me what I need to endure and persevere and overcome in that day. 

I want to commit myself to pursuing a life-long journey of discipleship and mentorship, living in community and seeking to bring peace and justice to those around me wherever I am. I want to speak truth into the lives of those around me and into the situations I am placed in. I want to be a source of light in the darkness, hope for those who feel oppressed and marginalized. I want to be His hands and feet. I believe that God’s heart is to restore, redeem, renew, and reconcile all to him. I believe God’s heart is for delivering the oppressed and bringing salvation to all. And I believe God wants to use me to bring about these things for his kingdom. 

esti qu’la vie est belle. mèsi Seyè! 

My brother Nat talking with the UN soldiers from Sri Lanka after helping us clear out the manifestation.

This past month has been pretty insane to say the least… 

We started off the first week of June with a manifestation at our work site. This was my first experience with a Haitian manifestation. Haha say that really fast 3 times… This one was extremely mild compared to how things regularly go.. usually things get burnt, cops get shot, and people get kidnapped.

This one wasn’t that bad! 

so IHQ told us to hire more employees so we can get this project done faster. We had a meeting on Friday and decided we had to hire 40 people for Monday. I guess the word spread quickly that we were hiring cause when we showed up to work on Monday there was WAY more then 40 new employees waiting for us at the gate.

It was hectic! I knew I just had to keep calm and collected to keep a clear head.

At 7am there were about 80 people pushing up against our gate yelling. Andrea (our HR program manager) and I were on the other side of the gate calling out the names we had on our list. We confirmed everyone with a picture ID before allowing them onto our site.

I figured once the people saw that we were only accepting those who were on our list they would go home.. but that’s not quite how things work here. 

So we started the day like any normal day. Devotions, announcement, security talk. During devotions I noticed the crowd on the street grow larger and larger. It wasn’t long before they blocked all of our exits and began throwing concrete chunks the size of grapefruit at our workers. We had workers on the roof of our building doing everything to take cover. 

There is this super cute old old man named Sejourne who was on the roof right next to the street and he just looked terrified. I wanted to run up there to rescue him but my brother wouldn’t let me out of our container. 

It was scary but I didnt get that scared until Mark our CAD drawer said he got shot 3 different times all while he was in Haiti… then I thought dang, things could get real real fast.

They threw rocks at our vehicles and broke two windshields. Thank the Lord there were no actual injuries though. 

Our head of security showed up with extra guards and brought with him the local Haitian police as well the Sri Lanken soldiers from the local UN base. Once they came things settled down, people cleared out and we were able to eventually take down the road blocks around all our exits.

We had two manifestations this month.. My boss hired 10 people as a result of the manifestation.. so they were like “oh yay sweet. it worked.. so lets do it again!” and thats exactly what happened.

A couple weeks ago my life was threatened while I was at work. A man said if I crossed him again he would kill me. That’s about all I can say about that right now.

God is teaching me so so much and that’s really everything I’m holding on to. He has been blessing me with incredible support by my co-workers as well as friends and family back home.

Im learning a lot about myself. My strengths and weaknesses.. Last semester one of my profs had us do some deep soul searching and come up with our core-values and I feel like through that assignment I learned so much about myself… well this experience has put all of that to real life test.

Now i’m working through where the line is drawn when my morals and ethics are being rocked. When do I walk away from something? What action really quantifies standing up for justice? Is walking away from the injustice enough? Is being a voice for the voiceless and oppressed enough? Or are we suppose to do EVERYTHING possible? Go out with a fight? Even if it means going against your bosses and the decision of an organization? 

Anyways.. this is just like the tip of the iceberg of what’s been going on here and what I’ve been doing and learning… processing everything on a daily basis.